It's all in how you look at things!

Perspective...it really does change everything. Our minds are the most powerful tool we have, hands down. Take, for instance, my recent experience with change where NOTHING except how I looked at the situation changed, which in true snowball effect, changed the way I viewed the situation, which in turn changed my view of my day and my life, and on and on and on.

Recently I was conversing with one of my customers and we were talking about retirement - the good, the bad, the ugly, but mostly about how good and fun retirement can be. After that conversation, I have to admit, I kinda felt the pangs of, "uhhhh..I honestly will never be able to retire." I'm self employed, having started my own business towards the middle portion of my life, I've raised three kids on my one income, survived twice being saddled with someone else's bankruptcy debt, and still lived through what I affectionately term the "big crash" of a few years ago.  However, as circumstances would play out, living through those things has caused me to have no savings left and no company retirement to depend on. Usually things that don't matter to me at all, but in the light of this conversation, I felt the pang of....well, that's a bummer. Feeling a little sorry for myself, I just left it there and hoped to squeeze in a couple little long weekend trips this summer.

Fast forward a few days to today, when my first appointment was scheduled to start at 10:00.  I was kinda tired, woke up a little chilled in the middle of the night, and decided to sleep in a little.  I made my coffee, leisurely ate a donut, watched some of the Today show with Savannah's big announcement, etc., etc., and got ready for work. Then it dawned on me - at least for today, I AM semi-retired! Yay! I didn't have to beat an early deadline, fight the traffic, miss breakfast and rush on out of the house! None of that! I could just lolly-gag around and be.....semi-retired! Suddenly, thoughts flooded my mind of how blessed I am to 1) be in the line of work that I am - it's very rewarding helping people; 2) be able to work out of my home which frees up some of my time and helps with all kinds of issues; 3) be able to have some control over my own schedule so I can help out my family as need be; 4) be free of the stress of a boss or a supervisor looking over my decisions, questioning my judgments; and 5) be able to sleep in once in awhile! Now, nothing physically or circumstantially had changed since the referenced conversation a few days ago with my client - not one little bit. The only change was my perception of the situation.  I changed my point of view to look at what I did have instead of what I did not have, and that, at least for today, has changed my world!

I messed up!

I hate, absolutely hate to make mistakes. This past week I made one - didn't hurt anyone, really, but I was sooooo mad at myself for doing something I considered so stupid and it ended up costing me a little time, but nothing major. What happened was I forgot that someone had to change their appointment - actually I remembered the texting conversation, I just forgot to officially change it on my calendar. So I sat here and waited for someone to show up who wasn't even coming on that day. No big deal - EXCEPT that I am so intolerant of myself when I do avoidable things like that - I wasted time, I had much to do on my list, and I just was generally unhappy with myself. For quite awhile. Now, if you had done that, I would say, "hey, no big deal, no harm no foul, quit being so hard on yourself - we all make mistakes, everything works out for the best in the end". However, I do not give that same grace and mercy to myself. Hmmmm....perhaps that's an area I need to work on. I am, after all, human just like everyone else. Maybe I need to cut myself some slack, quit expecting myself to be a super human, and accept myself as I am - mistakes and all. Hard to do when our whole world seems to judge each other by our performances, etc. I so want to be different from that. I so want to accept everyone, including myself, with all our flaws. Not that I don't want to push myself to be the best I can be, but feeling so horrible just because of a short amount of time that I wasn't being productive...well, I guess that speaks volumes about me, now doesn't it? Go easy on yourself today - look at yourself the way you look at others - be loving and merciful!

Spring is in the Air!

Spring is in the air! Well, except for the 1-3" of snow we're expecting tomorrow night - lol! It just hit me today and I'm so glad - I don't really know how it happened, but something just kicked in.  I had a long talk with myself this morning about where I'm headed and what I'm doing and how I've been feeling and decided there needs to be some changes. It's been a long winter (for everyone, I know) and I for one have decided I'm digging out - emotionally and physically. The long cold (albeit beautiful) winter is passing on now and spring is on it's way. Springtime - when I get to clean out my garage; springtime - when I get to re-arrange and open up my 2nd business room; springtime - when I really should do a deep cleaning of my house and get my carpets cleaned; springtime - when I'll look at and evaluate all the areas of my life and see where I need to pull myself into balance here, and stretch myself out to balance over there. I recently had an uneventful birthday (you know, not a "milestone" number) and it helped me to realize that no matter how old I get I still need to evaluate my habits and actions, my feelings and thoughts, my goals and relationships and make sure everything is still holding true to my inner self and heading into the same direction. Alot of work? perhaps. Worth it in the end? Yep! Happy springtime!

Lent

Here it is, Ash Wednesday already! Now I do not attend a denominational church that practices lent, but for the past few years (actually more than that, I guess) I have done my own lent tradition of "giving up" or "sacrificing" or "refraining from engaging in a certain activity" in exchange for spending that time reflecting, praying, reading or, in the case of an activity, trying to replace it with a more appropriate one. Perhaps some of you remember a few years ago when I gave up road rage for lent - what fun that was! lol! I don't know that I could say I felt like it was an immediate success; however, I do feel compelled to report to you now, whether it be because of that 40 day stint of trying to control myself or whether it's just that I've mellowed with age, my road rage now seems to be under control most of the time.

This lent season, I am giving up what has become my almost every night "before bed" habit of playing a few computer games - it seems to turn into a half hour, an hour, sometimes a couple hours - then I'm exhausted the next day because I need more sleep now than I used to - lol! So my plan and intention is to replace that habit with a more productive one; i.e. reading, meditating, praying, journalling - something that would be calming and hopefully productive. I think just the plan to "break" a habit or pattern and replace it with something else in my life is a positive one. Nothing wrong with playing computer games - in fact, some of them are good for my brain, I'm sure. However, there comes a time when it's just wasting time - I mean, really, what difference does it make if those candies get crushed or not?????

Here I am!

You thought I went missing, eh? Nahh - just regular life. You all know the story - long lists of laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, working, babysitting - yep, that's about what I've been doing since I talked with you last! Time flies!

Last night some of my family got together to celebrate some of our February birthdays (busy month of celebrating for us!). Anyway, one of my nephews who will turn 7 years of age this Wednesday, asked me a deep question. I don't know why he asked this question - what was his motivation or why he was thinking about this, but he did, and he was intent on my answer and I failed time and time again! The question from this almost 7 year old was, and I quote, "if you could go back in your life to one day, which one would it be?" His rules were simple - it had to be an important day. Wow. I said I didn't know, that I'd have to think about it and get back to him - unacceptable. So I said there were many important days in my life, after all I was alot older than he - unacceptable. It quickly became evident that I was going to have to dig deep and answer this question with some sense of seriousness or he would be forever disappointed. So I told him that the day Barry was born, the day Mallory was born, and the day Tanner was born were all three very important days in my life. He responded by saying, "no - it has to be a day that was important to YOU!" I explained to him that the day someone is born is not just important to the person being birthed, but also to the mom - the person doing the birthing, and, for that matter, that day was important also to aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters, and grandparents - that, as a matter of fact, the day he was born was also important to me. He seemed totally unimpressed with my answers and moved on to a game of checkers! So now, of course, I'm thinking about all this. Hmmmmm...would I ever actually go back to a certain day and if so, for what purpose - to change something? to experience something again? Food for thought from an almost 7 year old.

Yesterday...fun day!

I know you probably won't believe me when I say I don't get out much because those of you who know me well, know in my younger days, I was never home - out and about all the time. But now I really don't get out too much. Between work and other obligations, I seem to not have much spare time. Anyway, yesterday was a fun day out. A couple of my friends and I went to a drum circle at the Guitar Center in Peoria. Then we had to eat (of course!), then we needed to run by Walmart (for a "couple" things), then into Hob Lob (since we were right there!), then to Big Lots (because they closed the one in Bloomington). By then we were worn out and needed a rest and a snack at Culver's. All in all, a great, fun day. Nice to be out and about, nice to catch up with and visit with friends, and nice to just be out of the house for the day. The drum circle was fun, and, of course, I found a drum I'd love to have.........

I had intended to do some photo documentation, but sometimes life is happening too fast to document. Here's the only picture I took all day. Two friends trying on sunglasses! Oh well, you'll just have to close your eyes and imagine the drumming, the shopping, and the eating! lol!

Summer is here!

Today is the summer solstice - the longest day of sunlight for us here in the northern hemisphere. But could it signify more? Take a little deeper look with me (you know how I love to analyze and re-analyze and then analyze some more!), and maybe you'll find a thought that relates to your personal life. Many different peoples and places celebrate the summer solstice in different ways - one I found interesting was the dancing around a maypole. Whole communities doing this. Interesting, traditional, and I think, kinda fun. Anyway, this day is giving way to warmth, sunshine, a  new season of crops and plants growing - we flourish in the growing season. We pull the weeds out and encourage our plants to grow and produce. So today might be a good day to evaluate other things in your life. Are there "weeds" in your life - things that no longer serve you and the goals of where you are headed? Today would be a good day to let go of those things. It's a day of new beginnings - start that diet, start that exercise program, set that goal, stop that habit - whatever it is you'd like to change, today might be a good day to start it. If you think all my ramblings are just that - ramblings of an over-analytical woo woo woman, so be it, but at least get out and enjoy the sunshine - it's here for the longest time today, waiting for you to come out, enjoy it, dance in it, swim in it's warmth and brightness! Enjoy this nice, looooooong, sunshiney day!