Sea of Forgiveness

Today, all day, I am trying to swim in the sea of forgiveness - maybe drown in it. At least let myself pinpoint and feel the feelings of it. As I was meditating this morning, I became aware of disappointments, regrets, hurts that I thought were long ago dealt with and gone. Some of these, I didn't even realize needed to be dealt with, actually. Anyway, particularly in our culture, I don't think we pay enough attention to dealing with these things - grief, for example. Grieving when someone dies that we love has been reduced to 1.5 days off work, no time for reflection or feeling the pain of loss - nope, stuff those feelings down, buy a new black outfit to wear and greet the people. Be strong. Grieving over being wronged or disappointed or hurt - unheard of. We're looked at as weak or immature. And yet, those feelings are really still there, whether we express them, stuff them way down deep, or ignore them. So how do we deal with them? All I know is that it seems that allowing yourself to feel the feelings and not run away from them, has to be helpful. Well, I've digressed - surprise, surprise. Anyway, I'm setting my intention and purposefully trying to extend forgiveness today to some people who have, by their actions, wounded me and affected my life profoundly. I'm not trying to justify what they did, I'm not trying to make excuses or understand what they did. Just trying to extend the kindness of forgiveness to others in the hopes of setting myself free of the resentment and loss and regret that's been hiding in my soul that I didn't even know was there. Freedom is the goal.

Holiday!

Have a nice Memorial Day weekend - whatever you do. Take some time out of your normal schedule and relax - invite some friends over, take some time to be by yourself - whatever it is that feeds your soul this weekend. Breathe in deep, take it all in. Even though sometimes it seems like this life will never end, it does - for us all, and actually it goes by fast. Why, who would believe that just this quickly, I've become this old???? Anyway, don't let this time slip by. Dig deep inside and think hard about what you would really like to do and do it - or some version of it! Have a good one!

Be aware

Yesterday I happened to be home when the last episode of the Oprah Winfrey show was being broadcast. I haven't watched the show in years, but did watch it some when my children were younger and I was not working outside our home. (Ok - don't start calculating, I know it was right at the beginning of her 25 year stint!) Anyway, regardless of your opinion of the show or the things she had on, you must admit she accomplished quite a bit - from where she came from to where she is today. One of the things she reminisced about (and forgive me, I remember no details) was something someone said, then had made into a plaque for her to hang on her wall - it was "Please take responsibility for the energy you bring to this space". Now, before you get all worried about the woo woo and new age stuff, let me just say whether you believe it or not, it is an absolute fact of truth that we carry "energy" with us as human beings. This blog is not a discussion on the validity of that fact, it's true - whether you call it a "sense", or a "spirit" or "energy" or just a "feeling", you know what I'm speaking of here - you go to a visitation at a funeral home to express your condolences to the family and friends of a loved one who has passed on, the "energy" in that place is usually quiet, solemn, sympathetic, etc. My point here is that the statement "Please take responsibility for the energy you bring to this space" got me to thinking - it's something one might take for granted. Have you ever been in a great mood, ran into someone who was not having a great day and let you know that, and without you even consciously thinking about it, your great mood is gone? Then you know what this statement means. Take responsibility for the attitudes and feelings you put out there on others. Yep, sometimes I'm having a bad day - sometimes, I let people know that. But as a general rule, how much more pleasant to live out our time here, if we all make an effort to be responsible for our own energy, attitudes, comments, expressions. Just a thought - I can't control my feelings, but I can control how I express them and what I do about them. It's something I'm going to try to be more aware of.

Cracking that outer shell!

I'm on a journey - surprise! You all know I'm a person who tends to over analyze, over inspect, over talk about every little detail of my life. Sorry - how I am and how I deal with stuff. Anyway, recent events and changes in my life have caused me once again to pause and evaluate, dig in, see what things are in my control and what things are not, to try to effect some real changes in how my life is progressing. So this morning I read something that I found to be an interesting analogy and thought I would share it with all of you (all of you - ha! Like anyone but me is reading this!). Anyway, the story takes place years ago and is about a statue that needs to be moved. As the workers are attempting to move this huge thing, one person notices a crack. They stop to investigate, taking a chisel and breaking away part of where the crack is, only to find that the entire statue is covered in dried clay. Apparently, in preparation and anticipation of an enemy attack, these people had made an "outer shell" to protect that statue, which, upon further inspection and demolition of the outer shell, proved to be solid gold. The article I was reading, of course, drew this visual to remind us all that we tend to build an outer shell to protect our insides - our emotions, feelings, etc. - that have heretofore been hurt (or in some cases actually demolished) by people or events in our lives. The challenge? Take a risk, begin chipping away at whatever outer shell you have built to keep hurt out and let that beautiful "gold" person on the inside shine through!

Putting on my creative thinking hat

It's a time of stretching...thinking outside of the box...exploring alternative ways of doing things....taking some risks. Ok, so practically, what does all that say? One thing I've decided to do is secure a "booth" (really just a table under a tree at the baseball diamond!) at the craft sale at the Tremont Turkey Festival this year where I'll attempt to sell my jewelry, rice bags, and some knitted dish cloths. Everything for sale there must be handmade. I decided a little close to the actual dates (June 10-12), so I'm frantically beading, knitting, and going crazy anticipating lots of sales and wanting to be completely prepared. We'll see how it goes. I love beading - one neck can only wear so many necklaces, though, you realize. So why not share the finished product with others. I'm also thinking about holding a "pre event sale" at the shop the week before the Turkey Festival - not sure yet. Have an opinion? If you have any questions or want to get a glimpse of these "handcrafted one of a kind unique" pieces of jewelry ahead of the festival, just let me know. In the meantime, keep trying to expand your thinking - til it reaches out past the box we all know and love because it appears secure.

Getting old

I think in each person's mind there is a general age or event or milestone that signifies old to them. Sometimes you might not even be aware of it - maybe it's a certain number of years in age that indicates old to you or something happening, like new aches and pains, forgetting things frequently, wearing readers, needing to sleep alot, or saying whatever you want. I heard a young girl say one time that she couldn't wait to get old so she could say whatever she wanted and not get in trouble because all the old women she knew said rude things and got away with it - lol!. Out of the mouth of babes, eh? Well, one of the things that I guess subconsciously I have always considered a sign of the aging times was not just needing glasses or readers, but the fact that you wore them on a chain or pretty necklace or whatever your choice of attachment to keep them close by so, (1) you don't lose them, and (2) they're close in proximity so you can whip them off and on at a moment's notice. I've worn glasses for the last few years, mainly for close up seeing (which is in itself, a sign of the aging times). This past week they broke and I don't want new ones, so I'm using readers. In and out of the purse, on top of the head, and now, yes, yesterday I bought a little fixture that I will bead and attach to a necklace and I will now join the crowd of old women who wear their readers on their chest - yes, I have arrived. I am old. It's a bittersweet day.

Mont Rest Trip Final Chapter

This is the end of the entries regarding the Iowa trip. Read the other 3 first if you would like to be in order.

Here are some pictures of the view and the place where we stayed.

We stopped down by the river before we left town. Of course it was high and we didn't go down to the water, but look at Karen's hair - think it was windy out there!

And, of course, on the way home, we stopped to eat! Again, what a fabulous time!

Mont Rest Trip Part 3

Remember to read parts 1 and 2 before this if you wish to be in order!

and then there was ... Reading....

Hot tubbing...

Pajamaing...

Relaxing...

Eating (we did this more than once!)....

Game playing...

And Jewelry Making....

In a word - "fabulous"!

Mont Rest Trip part 2

If you haven't read the previous entry, you'll want to, as these are chronological type posts regarding the girls' trip to Iowa earlier this week.

Continuing on, after we got all packed in the car and, of course, stopped at a rest area, (only once though!), we stopped at Cracker Barrel to eat.

When we arrived in Bellevue, we moseyed downtown to peruse the shops and, of course, found an ice cream place where we enjoyed wonderful ice cream in fantastic flavors!

After that we arrived and picked out our rooms at The Mont Rest Inn.

and then there was......

Mont Rest

Earlier this week, some friends and I went away for an overnight trip. I called it my "mother of the bride" trip, designed to relax and recuperate after my daughter's recent wedding. The trip, in a word, was fabulous. It is going to take me several blog entries to provide you with information detailing just how fabulous it was, as well as my photo documentation.

We started out, six older women travelling in one van. Laughing yet? You should be. Just getting our bad kneed, bad backed, overweight (in my case) bodies packed into the van with our luggage (and some of us have luggage, let me assure you!), provided quite a bit of laughter. Susan graciously allowed us to take her van. Marilea brought cookies (which were delicious and we all bugged her for the recipe [and the last cookie, if I remember correctly]) and grapes. We had our mapquest print outs and we were on the road! Cries of "are we there yet" soon wafted from the back row and the next 3 hours or so were filled with laughter.

All grown up!

Aren't they cute? And all grown up. When I look at pictures like these, I think, "yep, it was all worth it". Happy Mother's Day to me - one of the luckiest women alive.

Mother's Day!

We took mom to Pizza Ranch for lunch on Saturday, then we had a cookout at my place on Sunday - a very nice Mother's Day weekend.

I have loved being a mom probably more than anything else in my whole entire life. I am so thankful for the honor and privilege it is to have had a part in helping Barry, Mallory, and Tanner become the people God intended for them to be. I know I've made mistakes, but I've tried my best, and I love them and I am so thankful for all they have brought to my life and all they mean to me. There have been times in my life where they were my actual motivation to keep breathing. Thanks kids! I love ya.

Mom, Emma and Terrance at The Pizza Ranch

Mom, Apollo and Terrance at The Pizza Ranch

Ashley and Andrew at The Pizza Ranch

Mom, Jim and Maria at The Pizza Ranch

Steve and Emma at The Pizza Ranch

Apollo hiding under the table

Jim trying to slip out of the picture!

Vicky, Steve and Jim

Terrance and Apollo

Apollo - he ate waffle fries and mandarin oranges

Emma

Jim and the picture Maria made for him

Maria and her beloved Uncle Jim

Me and my kids - oh yeah, and Tan man's walking stick!

Again, with the walking stick?????