Goodbye 2009

One more post for 2009. Doesn't seem possible, does it? Today several of my friends and I went to lunch, a movie, and back to a home to play games and eat snacks. We went to see that house in Normal where a high school boy set out all those Christmas lights in the front yard and synchronized them to music on his own radio channel. It was amazing. What a show! Now here's wishing all of you a prosperous, healthy, and peaceful 2010. May we all learn more about our purpose and true calling here on this earth next year. May we all tune back into our dreams and follow them to fruition. Here's to a great new year - let's all set our intentions for it to be a wonderful one!

New Beginnings

I have been thinking about my life and where I want to be at this time next year. Of course, that's kind of a natural thing to do, what with New Year's around the corner, I guess. I've been pondering New Year's resolutions from the past and how successful (or unsuccessful) they were, as well as what things are actually "reappearing" on my list each year! I'm wondering why I have it in my head that I have to do these "new" things or changes at the beginning of the year, and why I think if I fail, it's over. Can't I "resolve" to start again even if it's in the middle of the year? What's the magic or mystery of the new year? I don't know. Maybe it's a way for me to put off what I know I need to do by saying, I'll do that at the beginning of the new year. Or maybe it gives me some time to think about what I'm actually resolving to do. Whatever the case, this next year is requiring some changes from me. I would love to say they'll be easy and natural transitions; however, my head tells me that is a little too naive even for my thoughts. In the end, all I can do is set my goals, plan out some steps to accomplish my goals, and I think this year, even if I fail at some time, I'm going to make new resolutions, even if in the middle of the year. Change doesn't come easy for this old girl!

Snow!

After sleeping in late this a.m., I've just been sitting around, eating a doughnut, enjoying some of my new capuccino from my stocking, and looking at this - lots of snow. For the past 22 years or so, I've lived in houses that were very close to major highways where the snow was removed very quickly. Now that I live in a subdivision in Pekin, I find that I have not even seen or heard a snow plow since the flakes began. Apparently, either Pekin doesn't clean its streets of snow, or my subdivision is like one millionth on the list??? I'm not sure which, but either way, my car sits so close to the ground, I'm sure the snow is deeper than my car. Hmmm. I have much I can do inside, so that's the kind of day it will be. The snow is so beautiful, one can hardly be aggravated about it. I know it's hard for traveling, but otherwise, I think it sometimes causes our oober (is that how you spell that word the kids are saying?) mobile society to stop in its tracks and take a minute to ponder, to rest, to relax. We need that once in awhile. So sit back, snuggle under a blanket, watch some football, read a book - whatever you do to just chill and enjoy the day!

Eggrolls!

Eggrolls...yummy. Presents...wonderful. Playing a game and laughing until we all were crying...absolutely priceless. Yep - that's just how good our Christmas was.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone. Enjoy your get togethers and celebrations, remembering always the reason we celebrate is God's love for us. For at least this season, may we set aside ourselves and love unselfishly as He does.

Christmas Week!

Everything is so exciting - it's in the air, isn't it? Even with all the drama of life, the unexpected hard things, the trauma of being in Walmart during the holiday season (ha!), the stress of trying to make sure it all happens when it needs to, I love Christmas. I love the Christmas story - the awesomeness of God's plan, the willingness of Mary and Joseph to comply, the utter faith of Mary in God's ability to do the impossible. Whatever little gifts or tokens of kindness and love I can give to my family and friends, pale in comparison to God's love and gift to us. God, I believe, is particularly fond of each one of us, and this is a wonderful time of year to reflect on that very fact. Sit and bask in the reality of His love and have a very merry Christmas.

Here it is!

Here it is - that last few days countdown to the main event - Christmas! By this time, I'm scurrying around, wrapping and baking exactly what I need to get through today and then tonight I start on tomorrow's "have to have" list - oh, it's so fun! Once in awhile something throws a clinker in the ring, like something I ordered didn't arrive, or something obviously is not going to fit that person (sorry, Tan - you've lost alot more weight than I thought!), but on the whole, when we get to this point, it is fun, fun, fun! I so enjoy giving gifts and imagining how each person is going to like their stuff. Sometimes I think I enjoy the giving more than the person doing the getting! Now all we need is for the weather to cooperate while everyone works tomorrow, then it's off to cooking at mom's on Thursday, resting on Friday, homemade egg rolls with the kids on Saturday! Whew! It promises to be a fun and love filled weekend! I can't wait!

Confusion

Just when I think I have my life all figured out, planned out, and ready to go...something occurs that makes me pause and think..hmmmm..do I really have any of this under control? It's so very easy to look to other people and things for a place to sort of hang the responsibility - you know, if this person had just done this or not done that, then this would have gone another way, and on and on and on. But the truth is, this life is uncertain. Circumstances change, things have to be done a different way, some of this has to stop and more of that has to happen. Life is just forever changing - morphing, if you will, into whatever it's decided it will become for us. I like it so much better when I'm in control of things - I feel much safer that way. Unfortunately (or fortunately) my life seems very seldom to allow me to be in control of it. I think as I get older, I resist change a little and I seem less able to "go with the flow". I am trying harder to recapture that attitude of being more flexible, less rigid and, dare I even say it myself out loud, less stubborn? Eww! Tonight I am re-evaluating, prioritizing, and trying to generally be a little more fluid with the changes life is throwing at me.

Out in Public

People are so rude. Do I even need to write a blog about it? Today I had the distinct privilege of having to finish up my Christmas shopping; and, unfortunately, since we also have to eat on other days besides the holiday gatherings, I had to pick up some groceries. I was just taken aback by the way some people behave in public. They pull out in front of you in their cars, run into you with their carts, never smile, and do obnoxious things in the checkout line that make everyone have to wait - we had to wait today because one lady went over to the ATM machine after the cashier had rung up all her groceries to get cash to pay for her purchases. Everyone has tunnel vision - they're on a mission and that mission is to get done what they need and want to get done in the smallest amount of time possible, no matter how it effects anyone else. Sad. Anyway, I know we're all busy and much is happening and everyone's schedule is tighter than tight. But I, for one, do not want to let the joyous bustle of preparing for the enjoyment of sharing the holidays turn into crabby bah humbug behavior. Remember, this is really a time of rejoicing and thanksgiving for God's gift to us. We're thankful to have family and friends to share with, and really, it's just an extra added blessing that we're all able to purchase gifts for one another. Keep your smiles - enjoy the season!

Drumming Circle Night!

Tonight drumming circle was at my house. We included a white elephant gift exchange and numerous snacks in honor of the upcoming Christmas holiday. It was so much fun - the drumming, the presents, the eating - just the fun of being together. We shared information, talked about drumming and pow wows, alternative health care - all kinds of subjects. My house was filled with love and laughter and tons of positive energy. It almost feels like there is a source of strength, support, and comfort in our being together. Anyone is welcome - come join us! We meet monthly, and I have extra drums and shakers - all kinds of music makers.

Countdown!

Well..here we go. Only one more week until a million things have to be done. I still have a few items to cook, some presents to buy, everything to wrap, a few new ornaments to put on the tree, a few cards to find and put on presents, food lists to make and prepare. Somewhere in there, the house needs to be cleaned, dishes washed, and laundry done. Oh yeah, and I do have a job, too. However, in the midst of all the preparations for a good holiday, I want to keep my heart soft and pliable, open to the one this holiday and celebration are really about. I don't want to lose sight of what all the celebrations and get togethers are actually in honor of. I want to remember the awesomeness of the event surrounding all the hoopla. And with that realization comes some prioritizing of the season - family and friends so trump presents and baked goods. More important is time together with those we love, sharing the goodness of God in our lives. May this last week before Christmas be filled with the love and light of God and our families and friends.

Over it

I try really hard to keep myself clear of emotional baggage. It's kinda hard to do - especially this time of year. I get tired, overbooked with activities, plan more than I can accomplish - you get the picture. Then my emotions kinda run amuck and it's ugly. What to do then? Today that sorta happened to me. I ran across a situation where some really old feelings and resentments surfaced - so old that it surprised me. I felt justified in my feelings, yet at the same time, I felt really yukky. Shouldn't I be completely over this miscarriage of justice? Shouldn't I have moved on past this? I thought I had, yet here were these ugly, horrible feelings that had surfaced without any summoning from me, which usually indicates that something hasn't been completely dealt with. Hmm. I guess the best thing to do is to deal with the feelings as best I can as they come up instead of stuffing them back down, then hope this round will be the last time I run into them. I think it will surely help also, if I taste test the fudge I just made!

Addictions

Yesterday morning on the radio I heard an interesting piece of information..basically the gentleman was saying that they have discovered (whoever "they" is) that any kind of addiction produces much the same result in our brains. Now that's not to say that some of the substance addictions don't cause additional physical reactions to their own stimuli, but the point here was that whatever addictions we have (and I do believe almost every person has some sort of one), whenever we engage in that addiction no matter what it is, there is a response in our brains. I personally believe we all use our addictions to cope or feel better about ourselves, but I guess I didn't realize it actually caused a reaction in our brains (you know - my brain on menopause has been reactive enough!). It's hard to believe that shopping or working or washing your hands for some people can cause the same stimulus to the brain that another person smoking or doing drugs can cause. How do we conquer these things or bring them out of the addiction realm and into normal use levels? I think we're back to renewing our minds with the Word of God and "unlearning" some of the things that we think are truths that really are not true in actuality. Do you know what you're addicted to? What you're using to cope or find comfort in your life? Is that item listed with your New Year's resolutions to get under control? Or does it matter? You might say that your addiction isn't a bad thing and you can keep on doing it - that it's better than some other harmful addictions. But for me, I want very much to own and control my own life and habits - not my habits and addictions controlling me. Here's to a new year of victory in that area!

Update

Here's a blog update for you all. I am trying to break old habits. I am setting new boundaries. I have not cleaned out my closet and unpacked the rest of the boxes, therefore I still do not have shoes to wear that are not Crocs. I fell off the diet wagon right away. I am trying very hard to remain positive in what appears to have become a predominantly negative world. I do have my Christmas tree and decorations out, I do not have my Christmas shopping done. Our shop is completely remodeled. I am still trying to figure out where the truth lies in the connection between my emotions and my heart of hearts thinking and my actual life. I am also working on my New Year's resolution/to do list. This is the time of year we think about God's gift to us. Let the awesomeness of that gift put our lives in perspective.

Celebrations!

December is a month of celebrations and partying for my family. Tan man's birthday, my brother Jim's birthday, and of course, Christmas. So tonight we celebrated Tan man and Jim's birthdays with dinner at Steve and Vicky's house. Good food, good fun - just being together. Family is very important, and as we all know, no one is guaranteed a certain amount of days here on this earth with our families and friends, so we need to appreciate and cherish each moment we do have. Here's a few pictures of the chaotic fun we always have. Happy Birthday, Jim and Tan man - may you both have a great year - the next 2 years will be BIG ones for one of you and then the other!

Cookie Day is Here!

Today was cookie day - the day when we all bring some recipes and bake together, then share the results with everybody taking some of each of the cookies home. It's always great fun, and this year was no exception. We made tons of cookies, had lunch together, and just generally had a good time. I don't think we had any cookies this year that were of "questionable" results, either - they were all great! It's always so fun to band together and work for one common goal - there's a kindred spirit there that's very comforting to share.

Oops!

First, may I just say I'm sorry to all of you whom my ignorance has effected. Sorry. I was so proud of myself for getting my Christmas cards all addressed and into the mail in a very timely manner this year. However, much to my chagrin a couple of people had said they had to pay postage due on my card - I just thought a couple of my stamps must have been old and fallen off. Imagine my surprise when I walked across the street to my mailbox this a.m. and found that one of the cards had been returned for insufficient postage. Now these cards are small - lightweight regular cards that I bought at the store - no homemade gadgets or anything. So, since I had to go to the post office anyway, I took said returned card with me to inquire. Wow! Imagine my surprise (which turned to horror as I realized I sent out about 50 of these) when she said, "oh, they're not too heavy - it's because it's square. Square cards don't fit in some of the machines, so they get kicked out. Therefore, you have to put 20 extra cents postage on them". Oh my goodness. The envelopes didn't say extra postage due like those big birthday cards you can buy. I was completely ignorant and in the dark regarding this post office rule - I honestly thought it went by weight - certainly not by shape. And so for my ignorance, and your subsequent cost of 20 cents to get my Christmas card out of hock, I sincerely apologize! Learn something new everyday, eh?

Christmas is Coming!

I'm so excited..yet so behind! I don't have my shopping finished, I don't have my baking done, I don't have my house cleaned up...the list goes on and on. But my absolute most favorite time of the year is Christmas, so I'm determined not to let anything or anyone make me sad during this time. My stitches come out tomorrow, cookie baking day is Saturday, birthday party on Sunday, yada, yada, yada. I did have to come to some compromises with myself in order to even have a slight hint that I could pull everything off, though. I hated to do it, but I had to. I am a person who loves to buy a present (even if it be ever so small) for everyone I've ever known - ok not quite that bad, but just about. So this year, I've had to cut back on my purchases. Ok. Then it got cold and I ran out of time, so I only decorated inside the house - wanted to decorate outside, but couldn't pull it off this year. I love to have people over, but really didn't have room for my whole extended family in our new house, so I let my mom host our family Christmas Eve dinner. It appears that I can still enjoy the holidays without being in complete control and without getting to do every little thing I desire. Hmmm...what a thought. Christmas might be an attitude of the heart - not circumstances being exactly like we want them.

Moving On

Isn't change hard? It seems to me that there is a sense of security in things always being the same - having the same job, the same friends, eating the same things at the same restaurant. And yet, it appears that life is not always like that - things change. The thought had never occurred to me until lately that change is also necessary in relationships. Sometimes I just try and try and try to make something work out when, now, I realize, it could just be that the time for that person in my life is over. Hard for me to grasp, but it seems that it might be true. When a relationship is no longer a positive addition to my life, when it causes more aggravation, or takes more than it gives, perhaps it's time to move on. And, for the first time in my life, I'm considering that this could be a good happening.

The Secret

Have you read that book or watched that video? It's an interesting theory regarding how things come into our lives and the control we have over it. Now I'm not here to say I believe or don't believe the whole thing, but I do believe there's a measure of truth in what's being said here. And, this isn't the first place I have heard this strand of thinking. If you aren't aware, basically (as I understand it) it's a theory based on believing that whatever we truly deep down in our subconscious heart of hearts believe, is what we build in our lives. The Bible says, as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Other people say it other ways, but I think the bottom line here is that our lives are at least to some extent governed by what we tell it to believe as truth. I was reading one of my massage magazines this month and an article by Rita Woods titled "Get Happy About Something" caught my eye. She says it this way. "Because how you feel dictates more than the mood you are in. It calls what comes to you." There it is again - the thought that what comes into my life was called there by my feelings or true beliefs. Interesting. Rita goes on to encourage us to evaluate this past year by asking questions and seeing where we would like to go from here into the next year. Questions such as, "What worked for me?", "When did I love?", "What made me happy?", What were my good (or bad) choices?", "What caused stress?" and several others. Just a thought as we approach the end of the year - try to tap into what your "self talk" may be saying and creating or calling into your life. Might be interesting what you find.

Tanner's 23!

Last Friday was Tanner's birthday - he's 23 - hard to believe. We had pizza and cherry cheesecake tonight after going out to hear my niece's band play in Peoria last night. It's so fun to see my kids grown up into functioning adults - being together and watching out for each other. It's just such a reminder of how important family really is. We have had some rough times over the years, but we've always stuck together - we've always had each other for support and encouragement, and that's made a huge difference in my life, and, I would like to believe, in their lives also. Happy 23rd, Tan man - may God bless you with many more happy and prosperous years. We all love you.

Accident

Well, no one could have foreseen it - one of those freaky, flukey happenings that occurs for no apparent reason at no certain time and to random people - rarely happens to me, but it appears that today was my day. There was nothing exciting happening, nothing out of the ordinary. Mal and I were in the kitchen, I was popping popcorn for our open house tomorrow and Mal was putting away the clean dishes from the dishwasher. The next events, while they seemed to happen in slow motion, I am relatively sure only took seconds. Mal was over by the cupboards, I stepped back, not realizing the dishwasher door was open, ran into said door, lost my footing and fell flat on my rear, on top of the dishwasher door, (breaking it) and my head snapped back, hitting the latch hook with a bang. Lots of blood, $207 at the doctor's office, and 3 stitches later, I was back home, wondering how in the world that all happened. Good news is I'm fine - a little headache, a little soreness, but it'll all be a distant memory soon. And, as is the Moldenhauer fashion, we had quite a few laughs along the way, which I'm sure will be relived everytime we tell the story.

Attitude

This picture is of my youngest son, Tanner - Tan man, we call him. This entry isn't really about him, but today is his 23rd birthday, and it was because of that event I began to think about attitudes once again. I went to a certain store yesterday to purchase one of the things on Tan man's birthday/Christmas list. I, of course, know nothing about the item I'm purchasing, so I have it written down on my little paper, word for word, so that I can just accost a sales person immediately and make them lead me to it. Add to that, of course, as usual, I'm in a hurry. I pull into the parking lot (which, by the way is not real large), to find that almost all of the parking spots are taken. There are a few way far away from the door, or 2 on either side of a van. I can't pull into either of these 2 spots, though, because this is the scene there. There is a younger couple outside the van with screaming children in the van, ALL the doors are open and extending into the parking places on either side of them, while the couple is cleaning what appears to be a million old McDonald's sacks and cups out of the van, all the while complaining because they can't find a garbage can outside the store to deposit their garbage in. Are you kidding me? Close your doors, shut your mouth, hush your children, and take your garbage home, you're taking up 3 spots - that's what I really honestly wanted to say. But instead I parked in one of those farther away spots, muttering to myself about rude people and went in the store. Now, I find, I get to stand in line for awhile waiting for the next available sales person. So by this time, I have to admit, my attitude wasn't probably as pristeen as it could have been. However, what happened next will amaze you, as my attitude was completely chased out of my head and replaced with one of laughter. The sales clerk was a younger man and as I pulled out my handy dandy list and began to read word for word, letter by letter what I needed, he kinda grinned. I said, "I hope you know what that is". He replied that he did and disappeared into the back room and brought me out a box. What he said next changed my outlook for the whole rest of my day and obviously still today, as I'm smiling still while I'm writing this. He said something to the effect that my secret was safe with him. I was obviously confused as I gave him the "huh?" look and he said - I know you really play this game in secret and don't want anyone to know - to which we both started laughing at the ridiculous prospect. (oops - hope Tan man's not reading this!). Anyway, he was making a funny and it was just so refreshing. As I walked out the door, he hollered at me - "you have a good time with that now" and I laughed all the way to my car, having totally forgotten about the "van people". Anyway, the whole point to this story is twofold - #1 - I am so thankful that he helped pull me out of the funk I had let the "van people" put me in and #2 - I want to be more aware of the fact that of all the people I see everyday, some of them could have just encountered something like the "van people" and I could help re-birth their attitude to a more fun and positive one with just a quick little joke like the sales clerk did for me. I hope that boy has a Merry Christmas, as he reaps the benefits of the positive seeds of fun and laughter he sowed with me yesterday.

Christmas Stuff!

Yay! My decorations are almost done! I don't know if it's because we're in a different house this year or because I turned 50 - but for whatever reason, it's taken me parts of 3 days just to decorate for Christmas! All I have left is to put up a few outside things, hang the stockings and one more garland w/snowflakes and I'm calling it done. Every few years you have to go through absolutely every single decoration thing you have and test every single strand of lights to make sure they work (because somehow they all work when you put them in the closet at the end of the season, but the next year they don't anymore - how does that happen?), and this was that year. Man, do we have alot of stuff! If you know me, you know I am the queen of "stuff", and Christmas decorations are no exception. Add to that my fetish for penguins, and, well, suffice it to say there is an abundance of Christmas "stuff" at my house right now. Here's a few pictures of some of the finished areas. Hope I get a surprise visit from you over the season, so you can see my "stuff". It is December 1st, so the season has officially begun! Merry Christmas!